Reawakening
by SereneQuill
Summary: Spoilers for the anime: overlaps the anime to follow Eyes Rutherford's thoughts about Ayumu Narumi. Slight EyesAyumu, previous KanoneEyes relationship. Based on anime not manga.


From the F Major, Diminished Fifth Trilogy   
I. Reawakening 

_Based on the Spiral Anime, not manga, as I can't read Japanese. Eyes/Ayumu. Past Kanone/Eyes relationship._

**Before "Spiral of Destiny"—The Past:**

When Kanone kissed me, it had always been fire, a touch of true warmth to my iciness, heat that swamped my body and overflowed my dispassionate barriers. But the year that Kiyotaka arrived, speaking to a tiny spark deep within my soul, those kisses had faded to bitter ash. The day I refused to follow Kanone and started down my path of believing, his lips were colder than mine had ever been, and I knew, though it shattered my heart, that leaving Kanone had been my only choice, my only hope.

**Following "Overture":**

I played, my thoughts faster than my fingers. I had heard the bullet that struck the stage. From the half terrified shriek offstage, so did my manager, unfortunately. After that, nothing. It seemed Little Narumi and Kousuke could deal with the hunter, and that Little Narumi had indeed figured out the game. Funny how he managed to pinpoint the hunter, possibly in the same moment I realized that there would be no attempt to create an "accident" for my death. I would never admit that to him.

What bothered me was the unanswered question. Why had Little Narumi bothered to come to my rescue? He owed me nothing. Even Kiyotaka would have left me alone when our friendship was that young. What made him save me, when Kiyotaka would have left me to my own devices?

During "The Lamenting Angel": 

Kanone stood too close to me, I insisted, desperate to slow my racing heart. It was unlike the deep attraction I use to feel, tainted with the hurt that comes from loss. The desire had faded sharply as well, I was stunned to discover. I had thought once that I would never recover from. "Do you intend to leave me behind?" he had asked me. I hadn't realized that I already had, long before he had to ask me.

**During "Mirror of the Heart":**

I couldn't pause to marvel at how Little Narumi began to simply fall in step with me, move to match me, all without communicating. I would save it for later, when I had time to process the sharp jolt of admiration I felt when he rejoined me, flawlessly moving into step with me, before moving off again with perfect timing.

"A marionette clock. I'm sure that's what that sound was." I handed off half the game to Little Narumi. He would not be able to disarm the bomb, but he might catch up to the hunter. No, I corrected myself, he would catch up to the hunter. He might _catch_ him.

As we talked briefly on the bridge, exchanging tales of the events, I couldn't help noticing that I felt odd, almost like I had a fever. I hated lying to Little Narumi, even by omission. I wasn't certain when that had happened.

"There was a third party involved."

Even now, I could not admit that Kanone had interfered, disarmed the bomb. I had thought for a brief moment I had recognized him, but let go of the idea all too easily. Once, long before, such a shabby disguise would never have fooled me.

"Who would have switched out those boxes? And why?"

Easier to leave, I decided, than answer these questions. I could almost feel Little Narumi's resigned disappointment in my silence. He had expected no more than my silence, but had hoped for more. Kanone was right about the strange things hope did to a person.

I probably could have dealt with this by myself. So why didn't I refuse Little Narumi's help? I stole a sideways glance at him, climbing down the to the opposite side of the street. I wanted to be around him, I had to admit if I was honest with myself. I knew, deep inside my own heart, that Ayumu Narumi would always see himself as being at odds with me, and I didn't see a way to change that.

I sat at my piano, playing quickly, attempting to relieve my mind of the whirling confusion. Piano had been my escape from Kanone for the past year, his memory drowning in the melody. So why wouldn't Little Narumi vanish, melting away into the stream of the harmonies?

**During "The Confession":**

My heart was heavy with exhaustion. When I hung up the phone, the weight of Kanone's betrayal had slammed into me hard enough to momentarily drag me to my knees. The cold hand of Rio in my own and the suffering my friends had endured added more weight to my burden.

Kanzaka had told me nothing I didn't already know, but the bald confirmation of Kanone's treachery broke what I was certain had to be the last threads of love I felt for him. Kanzaka's fall echoed through me as certainly as it did through the other three, mocking us with the knowledge that our damnation stopped us from saving Kanzaka. We could never save anyone. The weight broke my barriers, my emotionless façade. And when I looked up, Narumi was there.

"Ayumu Narumi. Please tell me. You must know. Why were we ever born?" It was my voice, still cool, but crackling with the sharp edge of emotion. "Please tell me." Inside my head, the words were pleas, desperate and childish, but I could not see if he heard my quiet desperation. "For I must know. Why are we alive?"

I saw the tear fall, but could not believe it was my own. I had never felt tears. Perhaps Little Narumi had shed it for me, as Kanone had once promised he would be the one to do. But like I would have done had he questioned me, a moment later he turned and walked away. One by one, each member of the Blade Children slowly did the same.

I spared a quick assessing look at Ryoko, who had angrily reminded me that she would not kill. Her eyes told me that she did feel that she had broken her vow tonight. I looked to Kousuke next, and offered a silent hope that he would take care of Ryoko once his own turmoil had died.

Emotions about to fully burst free of my body, I turned and walked the precise path out of the room that Ayumu had taken. I had to leave. I had to be in the open air. Ayumu… my thoughts raced after him. The too familiar pang in my heart of longing to lean on the young man's strength, to have a like mind and an equal was slowly devouring me. I couldn't think that Little Narumi would be the one to heal my pain, could he? I had been so certain Kanone was the only one who could fill my heart.

A sudden sharp longing for an older brother, the role once filled by Kiyotaka, added to the pain, and I fell to my knees, letting the rain wash over me, an uncertain moment where the rain felt like tears, and for all I knew, could have been tears.

**During "The Man in the High Castle":**

I walked, in a dazed, half alive state, unconsciously toward the outside of the city, to a small clearing in an orchard where I had once sat and talked for a long day with Kiyotaka. Here, exhaustion brought me to my knees, where I watched the first touch of pink cut through the blackness of the night sky. I collapsed into sleep, cushioned by the thick grasses.

In hazy dream worlds, I kept wandering. I didn't know where I was going or what I felt I had to get away from, but I knew both presences were there. In front of me, I saw a figure I thought I recognized. "Kiyotaka!" I called out, and drew a sharp intake of breath when I saw Ayumu's face instead of his brother's.

"I am not my brother. I am not Kiyotaka," Ayumu told me harshly, closing the distance between us in a few short steps. I started to open my mouth, an apology ready to spill out in my confusion, and found my mouth covered by Ayumu's. The kiss began possessively, hot, demanding, with Ayumu's tongue wrenching my lips apart, persistently seeking something beyond my icy touch.

Ayumu wrenched back, breathing quickly. "Why?" I asked him desperately, and his only response was to gently slide two fingers under my chin. This time he traced the edge of my lower lip with his tongue before sliding to nip at my pulse, fluttering wildly beneath the skin below my jaw. My own frostiness seemed to rebound into my own body, giving me chills. I reached out, pulling Ayumu back up into a soft kiss, like a butterfly brushing gently along skin.

"You aren't ready yet," Ayumu murmured, and I was suddenly alone. The stillness and bitter lack of touch were suddenly devastating.

I drifted again, continuing to move, afraid of what was behind me, and needing to catch Ayumu, to make him explain. "Ayumu," I murmured, and heard someone chuckle.

"Poor Eyes," Kiyotaka greeted me, his too bright smile annoying me. "You've gone and gotten yourself lost in your own emotions."

"I don't have emotions," I insisted. "I am cursed, and therefore deserve none."

"You are a human, with the potential to break your destiny and become a great man, Eyes. You must believe," Kiyotaka insisted. "The happiness of those who believe demands great emotion. Unlike so many of your fellow Blade Children, you have such great emotion to recover from and to run toward."

"Ayumu," I said, and Kiyotaka nodded.

"You have to go to him now," Kiyotaka told me, laying a gentle hand on my shoulder in an attempt to comfort me. "You must finish cutting the last cord of the past and step forward once more toward the future."

The sun jolted me awake, and for a dizzying, dazzling moment, I had no earthly clue where I was or where I needed to go. The dream rushed back in, and my cheeks flushed, my icy demeanor a struggle to restore.

I knew quite suddenly where I had to go, and what I would find there.

**During "The Sound of an Iris Melting and Freezing":**

"When was it that we started down different paths?" I held out my hand, offering him my faith, my belief, giving him one last chance to follow the path I was on. I owed him the offer of hope.

"Stop this. How long are you guys going to quote my brother, because that's all I ever hear. I've had enough of this. I can only do what I can." Ayumu walked away from Kanone, and the light of his sudden self-confidence warmed me as much as dreamt up kisses.

"That's all? That all it took to triumph over me?" I did not look up. My light of hope had been rejected, and now I had to let Kanone go. He turned, leaving me, and I sighed, lifting my eyes to the stars, banishing the burdens of the past days from me for that one moment.

I watched the plane leaving the next day, curling my fingers around the pale pink shell I had once treasured as a lover's token. It would become my promise to Kanone, I vowed. Even if our paths differ, I silently told him. The world we live in is but one. I smiled slightly, repeating my vow. I cannot offer you love, Kanone. But hope I shall always hold in my heart for you. I will not let you be alone if you choose to accept my friendship and hope.

I left, head held high, for the first time truly believing with all my heart, that Fate could be changed.


End file.
